Fold of my flesh
I carried in my womb,
tender trembling flesh
sleep close to me!

The partridge sleeps in the wheat
listening to its heartbeat.
Let not my breath disturb you
sleep close to me!

Little tender grass
afraid to live,
don’t move from my arms;
sleep close to me!

I have lost everything,
and tremble until I sleep.
Don’t move from my breast;
sleep close to me!

-Gabriela Mistral, 1889-1957, Chile

a site i have never seen before and must now fully explore; won’t you? birthlove ; information from Sarah Buckley, Marsden Wagner, Michel Odent… poems, a page link called The Devil Cytotec.

treasures: 

creepy cuteish fetus cookie

the men looked like car accident victims, as the enclosed cutter left a little something to be desired.  note the Blackberry; a victim of texting while driving?

and the piece de resistance?  a sheela-na-gig (you exhibitionist– come on, click that one!); some people believe the sheelas are ancient birth empowerment symbols.

A Sheela Na Gig is a carving of a woman exposing herself, usually found on religious buildings.  Was she a survival of celtic religion or goddess inspired?  a romanesque warning against lust?  a fertility or birth empowerment symbol? a protection against evil?  she is known as the witches stone, the nun on the potty, the hag of the castle, sheela of the paps, the dancer, and others.  i heard of her from pj harvey… “gonna wash that man right outta my hair.”

Sean asked me the other night if there has been an article at some point, some play on words between the brands Prana and Prada.  sigh.  My dad was always a big fan of the pun too.  i did find a blog with a title of that name, but no snarky gear junkie comparison between the yummy bamboo satori pants with henna wrap and the blouson suit jacket.  I think perhaps he was making reference to my obsession normal process of creating the most perfect birth outfit for myself.  Comfort, flow, color and its effects on people, moisture wicking (i have been known to take a little dip or two with some body part during water births), temperature control/layering are all factors.  I would also prefer that this outfit (certainly a noble goal for all clothes, but babysteps…) be ethically and sustainably produced.  Is this all vanity based on having my picture snapped all! the! time! at births?  It really, really isn’t.  I don’t want to fidget and be uncomfortable because my clothes are bunching up or won’t dry for hours.  I want to have a neutral to warm presence on the room.  And on a very practical note sometimes I stay in an outfit for a long, long time and get dressed in the dark.  Maybe I’m going for pajama-chic?  yoga-chic? Sean says it’s my Jedi-Midwife (or did he say Yoda?) style.  I can’t bring myself to do scrubs– I tried, but the materials are so structured that I am quite uncomfortable and awkward.  Also, they come with many associations I don’t want.

Julie, mama and doula extraordinaire– who I hear has a gear insider– has been a great resource, and contributed the final solution in this lovely prana shirt that I can layer in case it’s warm or cold; it wicks amazingly fast too– as i tested, first thing, by dunking myself to the shoulder while checking heart tones.  I have also been wearing a pair of Gaiam palazzo style yoga pants that are lovely and basic.  I found some amazing SmartWool socks for the winter at a crazy deal.  A wrap sweater.  It all seems perfect.  Except for such a crucial piece of the puzzle: the absence of pockets.

I need a pocket for gloves– not much else.  Certainly I could use it for other things, but at a birth it is always such an annoyance to me that I cannot keep a pair on me in case they are needed in a hurry.  I see the scrub pockets and almost cave for a moment, but no!  I want the smooth lines of jersey!  and pockets!  how?  I usually end up sticking a pack of gloves under the strap of my tank top on top of my shoulder.  But now…

I’m fixated.  They are the most ideally suited pants I can imagine.  I cannot move on from these pants… I imagine the ease with which I would move and rest, support and squat at births with a versatile pocket for gloves present without interfering with the loveliness of them.  And they are locally, ethically, soundly, personally, individually made by Andrea of Gaia Conceptions.  Browse around on this site, and if you do not know Etsy (she is a featured seller there as well) then you must!  I look at her sites several times a day and squirrel away my pennies, dream of learning how to sew or convincing my crafty husband to create a pair.  Notice too her beautiful skirts, dresses, sweaters all hand dyed using processes designed to minimize negative environmental waste and created to order out of hemps blends, wools, and organic cotton.

I daydream of pants.

her books include…

The No-Cry Nap Solution  *NEW*
    The No-Cry Sleep Solution (for babies)
    The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers
    The No-Cry Discipline Solution
    The No-Cry Potty Training Solution
The New Cry Separation Anxiety Solution (to be released in March.)

says elizabeth…

The Biology of Newborn Sleep

During the early months of your baby’s life, he sleeps when he is tired — it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleep when he doesn’t want to sleep, and you can do little to wake him up when he is sleeping soundly.

Newborn babies have tiny tummies. They grow rapidly, and their liquid diet digests quickly. While it would be nice to lay your little bundle down at bedtime and not hear from him until morning, this is not a realistic goal for a new baby. Newborns need to be fed every two to four hours — and sometimes more.

Sleeping “through the night”

You may believe that babies should start “sleeping through the night” soon after birth. For a new baby, a five-hour stretch is a full night. This may be a far cry from what you may have thought “sleeping through the night” meant!

What’s more, some sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenly begin waking more frequently, and it’s often a full year or more until your baby will settle into an all-night, every night sleep pattern.

Falling Asleep at the Breast or Bottle

It is natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking at the breast, a bottle, or a pacifier. When a baby always falls asleep this way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, he cannot fall asleep any other way. This is the most natural sleep association a baby can have. However, many parents who are struggling with older babies who cannot fall asleep, or stay asleep, are fighting this powerful association.

Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleep without your help, it is essential that you often let your newborn baby suck until he is sleepy, but not totally asleep. When you can, remove the breast, bottle, or pacifier from his mouth, and let him finish falling asleep without it. If you do this often enough, he will learn how to fall asleep without sucking.

Waking for Night Feedings

Many professionals recommend that a newborn shouldn’t sleep longer than four hours without feeding, and most babies wake more frequently than that. The key is to learn when you should pick her up for a feeding and when you can let her go back to sleep on her own.

Here’s a tip: Babies make many sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to cries, and these noises don’t always signal awakening. These are sleeping noises, and your baby is not awake during these episodes.

Learn to differentiate between sleeping sounds and awake sounds. If she is awake and hungry, you’ll want to feed her so she’ll go back to sleep easily. But if she’s asleep – let her sleep!

Help Your Baby Distinguish Day from Night

A newborn sleeps 16 to 18 hours per day, and this sleep is distributed evenly over 6 to 7 sleep periods. You can help your baby distinguish between night sleep and day sleep, and thus help him sleep longer periods at night.

Have your baby take his daytime naps in a lit room where he can hear the noises of the day. Make nighttime sleep dark and quiet, except for white noise (a background hum). You can also help your baby differentiate day from night by using a bath and a change into pajamas to signal the difference between the two.

Watch for Signs of Tiredness

Get familiar with your baby’s sleepy signals and put her down to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby who is encouraged to stay awake when her body is craving sleep is an unhappy baby. Over time, this pattern develops into sleep deprivation, which complicates developing sleep maturity.

Learn to read your baby’s sleepy signs — such as quieting down, losing interest in people and toys, and fussing — and put her to bed when that window of opportunity presents itself.

Make Yourself Comfortable

It’s a fact that your baby will be waking you up, so you may as well make yourself as comfortable as possible. Relax about night wakings right now. The situation will improve day by day; and before you know it, your newborn won’t be so little anymore — she’ll be walking and talking and getting into everything in sight…during the day, and sleeping peacefully all night long.

 Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution (McGraw-Hill 2002

listening to: midlake, fleet foxes, m. ward, sigur ros, sonic youth, expialidocious (thank you truly, mollie), oh and midlake.  and, um, midlake. 

watching: That Darn Cat

crazy in love with: my children– growing older, more beautiful throughout; my husband– an exquisite vibration; beautiful new, seasoned mamas and tiny babes

blogs saved and preparing to import: placenta encapsulation with crystal, lactation and doula services (shameless self promotion), family happenings, testimonials, Hypnobabies, acupuncture in pregnancy and postpartum, quotations from the aforementioned energy medicine book, montessori, website thoughts, homeopathy, massage and chiropractic in pregnancy and postpartum, common breastfeeding problems and their prevention and solutions

finding: balance, energy to accomplish the joyful tasks ahead, introversion and extroversion

http://www.intactamerica.org

I plan to post a series of my creative efforts as i refine my handouts and documents for practice.  These last few months have meant a reemergence of confidence…  my bag of birth supplies is gathered, my first primary client– from the beginning of care– birthed beautifully last week.   I plan to sit for the NARM exam in February 2010 and obtain my SC license and CPM certification directly thereafter.  I will be offering doula services (as a certified doula, under quite a different scope than a midwife!) for the next several months for hospital births also.  Please contact me if interested, or pass along my information to any mothers you may know who need a doula!  I will be adding a ‘doula services’ page to this site.

talking perfect labs with a mama who glows through the phone

sharing in the joyous news of two dear friends, pregnant pictures of one pound babes

the grocery store encounter with my favorite 38 week blossomed manager (i ran to the car remembering that i had a copy of henci goer in the trunk) then gave her 5 phone numbers

an unlimited phone call from my old Quail Ridge friend– Apples, said the letter in the attic i found while digging (like a sister some times),  12 weeks along

our girl on the couch at Quail Ridge, who thought it never could be after years of whys, is now 12 weeks too

a sweet and stable someone  54 days without a period… wanting the baby first of all of us, the last without… still wanting, hoping, doubting talks of chaste berry and luteal phases

i love these women, women on all sorts of paths, but i especially love the journey of women to motherhood.  i don’t have to do this job; i want to.

it feels like that first time you have a serious fight with a friend.  will you stick it out or will you walk away?  is your bond deep enough to see the negative and persevere?  I was so long in the lala love place with midwifery that the negatives were nowhere.  But there are realities from the professionalization of midwifery that bring to it additional sacrifices, divisions than the village midwife’s practice i idealize.  and then you have my own imperfections that compound the chaos!

I am easing back in, finishing at a slower pace, attempting that elusive balance.  I know that i have prenatals tomorrow, and i am excited to see those mamas… eager to know their babies and families, hear their tales, to take my delighted (but minor) role in their lives.

and a deep, slow breath.