ups and ups, a down here or there

where have i been and why have i avoided the blog?  i can’t seem to put my finger on it.  there have been lovely births, not as lovely births… days of cheesecake making with the dearest of jeweled girlfriends or macaroni and cheese dinners with a lovely polly (but mollie), so says clem. “now we will kissed like we are married,” tallulah knew exactly where to place her hands about his neck, a cocked hip, a tiny, tight smack on the little lips.   books read, more books, more books… tests, applications, reviews, assessments. a large, embarrassing pain of rejected friendship… with tears.  who knew i knew how to cry so often in my adulthood? a fledgling school schedule with tallulah; unready, unsteady, young, unsure.  my apprenticeship has moved into its final, though longest, phase.  i will travel to the dominican republic the second week in november to catch babies in a public hospital… observes, assists, service, love, a touch of horror.  it has sunken in, in a non-sinking feeling– but rather a delighted one– that the reality of our future is changing, shaping, according to reason, logic.

i have been arching between withdrawl and joy… fear of the coming, delight at its purpose.

i will break myself in gently back to blogging if you promise to read; perhaps recipes will break me in gently.

forgive my homage a m.g.

things that are delightful

pumpkin cheesecake with clearance topping

blueberry coffee with excessive half and half

leinenliugel’s sunset wheat

a curtain rod and dryer vent as toys

birth in the dark

the rachel zoe project (yes, i am aware it is utter trash)

communication, vulnerability

ballet slippers

friends, ancient and new, to travel and cling to in a life altering journey

2 more babies, any day…

dr. bob, my oldest economist, with new baby annalise… born today.

a clever crow; bird on a wire with butterfly companions

oberst, “cape canaveral”

sad, sad, sad

the need for a doppler for the DR and the impossibility of its price

beautiful, professional, comfortable clothes– out of my reach

rejection of intimacy in friendship

little girls at bed time

bodies of water, so close, on so-private property

blogs over my head; blogs copycatted

the fledgling of la leche league; little upstarts, outsides, ungrateful offspring giving no props

goodnight. 

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